A Life With No Regrets

When I talk to people about their careers, mostly in their mid-lives, one of the key concerns they regularly raise is their fear of regret. We then usually start discussing about what a life with no regrets could look like for them

But one aspect is really strange: Although they already anticipate and talk about being old with little time left and looking back at their lives and careers thinking they should have been more courageous or should have done more of this or less of that, only very few of them had ever actively tried to change their destiny – although for many of them there is still plenty of time left!

Now, in particular with regards to your career, I really encourage you to not take this lightly! In the developed world we enjoy longer and longer lives and wouldn’t it be great to look back with gratitude and a deep feeling of fulfillment and happiness rather than complaining about all the missed opportunities and wasted time? There is no perfect day to get started into a new direction – every day is an opportunity to do so!

Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives, has published the following – and now famous – “Top 5 Regrets of the Dying”. Why don’t you look at each of them and think about how you could avoid having similar regrets later on in your life. Then come up with 1 first step each which will lead you into the right direction.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

What’s your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

Picture: technowannabe